Wednesday, November 18, 2009

You can't pause the world

I have been thinking a lot about time and how it seems like there is never enough of it, especially lately.  Then after watching Josh's video at World's Stongest Librarian - I realized that time is one of my excuses.
Yes, I owe myself some "me" time to recharge, but often I waste time that I could be using productively.
So I am making lists of things I want to do, need to do and have to do.
Setting boundaries is on that list and I am making great strides, I think, in setting those -especially for people who want my time or my help.  Some things cannot be avoided, like taking my grandmother to the ER because my father was to drunk to take his own mother there. Do I resent him for it? Yeah. Can I change it? Nope. I would have helped her regardless, so I am trying to let go of that. By the same token, should I go the the family thanksgiving, just because it's 'expected"?  I have decided no-why should I when those people, with exception of my dear grandmother are not peopl who keep in contact with me or care about me throught the year and I will not waste another year's holidays trying to hold together the frayed ends of our family.
Sorry this is nor a more uplifting post, but my message is: stop wishing the world would stop and you could get off, because it doesn't happen that way and there are people out there who would be glad to have my problems versus their own. I am learning and evolving and I hate that my poor blog has taken the brunt of it -but until my mom is settled, I just have to realize my plate is full right now. My time will come and then I will let my creative self shine through to warm others on a blustery day and create a community where we can all just be ourselves.

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