Monday, July 20, 2009

And I was tested

I find it rather amusing that I posted Friday on the subject of letting others' attitudes affect one's mood and lo and behold if by Sunday it wasn't happening to me. :) Which simply reinforces my statement that how we choose to react is a daily battle.
I am proud to say that I was able to keep myself removed from FEELING the drama of mom and our mutual friend. Well, perhaps not a mutual friend now...anyway, that story is really neither here nor there. I am unclear as to why I was able to let it "slide off" yesterday when other times I become emotionally invested...perhaps I had simply listed to the same thing enough that it was no longer "new" enough to warrant a resurgence of emotion.
I ask my readers this: other than prayer, do YOU have a formula for being able to listen to some one's woes or drama without being drawn in?
Some people pretend to care, so I suppose that is their method, but why listen if you are only going to the in turn complain about it to someone else? That is not friendship, it's simply narcissism- that type enjoys the "attention" of being needed, but is unable to feel any true emotion, thereby ensuring no lasting friendships will ever be made.
For a true friendship to flourish, we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable- we must trust.
Yes, it does backfire. I recently have been hurt by opening myself up, only to realize the person I thought was equally open was only picking bits & pieces to share and was not as invested in our friendship as I had thought. It hurt. I am healing. Time moves on. I will learn to trust again, perhaps more wisely the next time- but I WILL TRY - for once you close yourself off, you deny yourself all aspects of the human experience- just as the spectrum includes pain, so also does it offer joy, hope and love.


  1. When someone begins to share a part of their life with me, I immediatley fall back to the scriptures that declare that a believer in Christ is also a priest in his/her own right.
    Remembering that helps me to set the stage to be able to listen and not side with them, or the one that hurt them, but rather side with the truth of the Word.
    It's all in first remembering who you are in Christ.
    Sure, it is hard not to feel their pain or anger, but in the end you must constantly remind yourself and them that "vengance is mine, saith the Lord".

  2. Stefy,

    This was a though-provoking post. We all have experiences but most people never consider what happens and then try to learn something from the it. So it's always great to find someone who does. Plus, it makes good material for posts which allows others to learn from your experience. Thanks.

    That said, I have two techniques for not getting emotional and drawn into someone else's drama.

    Imagine that you are about to get into a little drama that someone else is causing. Take a part of your attention, and step back, "outside" of your body and observe yourself interacting with the other person. From this state of awareness, you aren't attached to what the other person is saying. Instead, you are fascinated and intensely interested. You soak in everything...even their drama and you observe yourself in the act of participation.

    This is something I have found extremely useful. In fact, I've had some incredible experiences while doing this.

    In the same situation as above, you focus on your breath while the drama unfolds. Even though you're still participating in the conversation, you keep part of your focus on your slow, even breaths. Before you speak, you pause long enough to take a thoughtful breath which allows you to not react to what the other person has just said. Instead, that moment of pause and taking a calm breath gives you just enough time to speak with honesty and care. By doing this you may find yourself saying things that, later, you won't know where they came from. This technique can sometimes allow you to tap inner wisdom you didn't know was there.

    See what happens when you follow your breath. It's easier than the Observer mode. Later, when you're good at both techniques, combine them into one. VERY POWERFUL!

    Scott Quitter

  3. Scott,
    I will try the techniques you suggested. As you said, that breath and subsequent pause does access thoughts we were perhaps only subconsciously aware of. I will view your observer mode as a challenge and I can report on it in a future post, as there is no lack of drama between my mother and my father. They are divorced, but as an only child, I am often caught in the middle. Your comments were very valuable and I thank you for your time.
    In search of a better self,

  4. Diamond of mine, as always you put yourself to the test and as I repent I also know from all my battles, life continues. To give me purpose I treasure that I am loved by those who count and will find my way to make a difference in this world. Things come and go, but people need people. There are no labels when you look into one's eyes-before you look anywhere else.